So, this is the crazy story about my owner who shall hereafter be referred to as the staff.
The staff tells me she has fallen on hard times. I would like to believe her, but I really think she is holding out on me. She tells me we don't have the means to pay for another month in our depressing little apartment. Seriously?? Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse.
The staff has counted my existing supply of wet cat food and determined that I have enough food to last till the end of the month. Whaaaaaaat? No more chicken dinners? I know there is a bag of dry stuff, but hey, does one really count the "dry stuff?"
Maybe I'm using the wrong techniques to deal with her. I have tried being demanding. I meow over and over to get her attention, I weave in and out of her legs when she walks into the kitchen and dart in front of her using my entire body to nearly send her sprawling face first on the floor. Seems she may be wise to these tactics because they are, NOT WORKING!
So, I shall try the pussyfoot, prod and purr strategy that I know other cats have often resorted to in dealing with their uncooperative staff.
Here is my oath:
For the next 18 days, in an effort to secure more chicken dinners, I will:
1) meet the staff at the front door to our depressing apartment (unless of course I am napping in my hiding place in the closet)
2) I will sit, Ugh, like a mindless lap dog, upon her lap while she attempts to work on her computer. I know she is really just wasting time reading all her silly design blogs. That is what gave me the idea to write my own blog. She thought I have been sitting there for no good reason, but I have actually been studying the process.
3) I will drape myself across the staff's lap and purr and prod while she watches her ridiculous program, something called Downton Abbey. All I know is there have been no cats featured at all on the teli. Isn't that what the Brits call it?
Oh, I did see a dog that sits by my Lords side. So what's up with that? How did dogs come to be known as "Man's Best Friend?"
As far as I can tell they are just big, stinky, drooling, brown nosers. I mean seriously, have they seen what they look like when they stick their nose into someones crotch? And don't even get me started on their breath. But I digress.
Wow, this blog writing is hard work. I think I will go see what my staff has left in my french tart dish. Maybe I will have a bath and rest awhile too. You know I'm an emotional eater--this whole process is probably going to cause me to gain 10 pounds.
Day 1, Part 2 -- After the nap
Evidently the staff went for a very long walk while I was resting. She wanted to talk when she got back. I was half listening, doing fine, yawning and licking myself, until she got to the part about having to take me to the animal shelter because no one will allow her to have pets. OH MY GOD! Say it isn't so. We have been together since I was a kitten. She's all I've ever known. I can't even remember my biological mother!! Deep breath here, trying not to panic. There must be an answer...
I tried to change the subject so I could have time to think. I asked her what she saw on her walk. She said she took lots of pictures at the beach...
I asked her why the picture of the dead bird. She said it made her think about how final death is and what if there wasn't a new owner to be found at the animal shelter.
I asked her what else she found at the beach. She said she was thinking about the fact that there is only one roll of toilet paper left in the house. With no more trips the grocery store, how long will this last?
How long will this last? Wow, some of the things we take for granted!
Staff found this in the public bathroom. If we get really desperate, there is more where this came from.
She told me there was a solution for my toilet issues too. No more expense Johnny Cat when there is loads of this at the beach. Shhhhhhhhhhh. Not really suppose to remove sand from the beach.
I don't know if I can take all this. Looks like it may be more like 15 pounds.
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